You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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