i can't believe i had my finger in that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream