Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1154) Bad night (1803)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask

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  (732): I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask http://tfl.nu/8bk4
  Replies (11) Good night (4571) Bad night (607)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Happy St. Patrick's Day.

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  (502): I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen.... (508): Happy St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/t6ex
  Replies (2) Good night (3197) Bad night (664)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night

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  (724): I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night http://tfl.nu/2zdr
  Replies (8) Good night (4365) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

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  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (24) Good night (5993) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.

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  (502): of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uvpb
  Replies (13) Good night (3155) Bad night (1256)
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  (714): View more from California

  You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"

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  (714): You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party" http://tfl.nu/cx8m
  Replies (7) Good night (2564) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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  (952): I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing. http://tfl.nu/jvox
  Replies (25) Good night (1595) Bad night (3511)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again

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  (904): Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again http://tfl.nu/3izm
  Replies (7) Good night (2719) Bad night (933)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan

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  (203): Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan http://tfl.nu/spkf
  Replies (9) Good night (2181) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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  (631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0
  Replies (19) Good night (1842) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  hey man, it was for science okay.

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  (413): dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs. (443): hey man, it was for science okay. http://tfl.nu/r3mr
  Replies (10) Good night (1320) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Why do you need me to cover for work?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.

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  (715): Why do you need me to cover for work? (608): I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen. http://tfl.nu/izqg
  Replies (8) Good night (1059) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.

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  (814): I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography. http://tfl.nu/gojc
  Replies (4) Good night (2089) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.

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  (202): Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/o77i
  Replies (9) Good night (200) Bad night (1038)

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