Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.

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  (410): He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go. http://tfl.nu/s9bl
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (1533)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

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  (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st
  Replies (27) Good night (4755) Bad night (710)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope

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  (301): You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope http://tfl.nu/v6u5
  Replies (2) Good night (3877) Bad night (527)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me

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  (908): This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me http://tfl.nu/8neg
  Replies (16) Good night (4092) Bad night (613)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us

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  (919): CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us http://tfl.nu/dd67
  Replies (80) Good night (3482) Bad night (4645)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

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  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (13337) Bad night (1798)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

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  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6772) Bad night (902)
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  (716): View more from New York

  he smelled like listerine and beef tacos

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  (716): he smelled like listerine and beef tacos http://tfl.nu/l079
  Replies (9) Good night (716) Bad night (4563)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious

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  (605): Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious http://tfl.nu/m6oe
  Replies (9) Good night (4393) Bad night (733)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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  (+44): I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone? http://tfl.nu/7opu
  Replies (4) Good night (2375) Bad night (953)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

  (850): View more from Florida

  This has already gotten way out of hand

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  (336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e
  Replies (4) Good night (1343) Bad night (629)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty

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  (732): I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty http://tfl.nu/54ho
  Replies (11) Good night (811) Bad night (1424)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.

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  (360): I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel? (1-360): considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'. http://tfl.nu/0tmm
  Replies (0) Good night (1044) Bad night (353)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.

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  (360): You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it. http://tfl.nu/4bwy
  Replies (2) Good night (540) Bad night (203)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.

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  (334): He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini. http://tfl.nu/97p2
  Replies (8) Good night (538) Bad night (226)

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