yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
