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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?

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• (315): View more from New York

  THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

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• (406): View more from Montana

  i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San

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• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.

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• (925): View more from California

  You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.

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• (516): View more from New York

  look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?

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