Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.

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  (302): i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace. (1-302): you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING. http://tfl.nu/vhdb
  Replies (47) Good night (732) Bad night (2346)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?

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  (575): is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song? http://tfl.nu/y2bo
  Replies (63) Good night (3698) Bad night (1107)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?

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  (407): Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening? http://tfl.nu/psmr
  Replies (4) Good night (1772) Bad night (2949)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

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  (317): Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will. http://tfl.nu/znpi
  Replies (10) Good night (2415) Bad night (907)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

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  (484): i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong http://tfl.nu/1mot
  Replies (21) Good night (1353) Bad night (3904)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.

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  (719): Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ctww
  Replies (3) Good night (1271) Bad night (1711)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.

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  (902): Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp. http://tfl.nu/bjm3
  Replies (5) Good night (1596) Bad night (916)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..

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  (908): It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps.. http://tfl.nu/jf04
  Replies (3) Good night (1561) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.

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  (709): I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April. http://tfl.nu/hy0p
  Replies (5) Good night (1461) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

  (516): View more from New York

  lol... you weighed it?

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  (631): Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night? (516): lol... you weighed it? http://tfl.nu/fdcm
  Replies (11) Good night (3986) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.

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  (574): I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both. http://tfl.nu/vmyj
  Replies (4) Good night (1230) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.

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  (906): I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring. http://tfl.nu/2xnf
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.

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  (916): I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/dadk
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?

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  (315): we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered? http://tfl.nu/k5ls
  Replies (10) Good night (643) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.

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  (518): just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back. http://tfl.nu/zfok
  Replies (6) Good night (319) Bad night (617)

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