Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I FOUND THE LEGS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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