Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
