im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
