Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
