That's intense
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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