my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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