Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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