i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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