Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
