oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
