I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
