I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
