I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
