Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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