It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
