Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
