I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
