a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I need moral support for this bender
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
