He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
