Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
