I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
