I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That accounts for only three of the penises
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
