remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
