just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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