five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
