so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
