Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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