i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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