Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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