i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize