the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
