remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
