Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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