This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
