I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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