Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
