I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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