I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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