I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
