it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
