hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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