If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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