only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
