Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
