Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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