I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex bonerless
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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