dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
