Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
