Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
