I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
