Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
These tits shall not be calmed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
