dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
