ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
