Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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