Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
