belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
