idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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