i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
