if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
