So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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