I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize