You're a womanizer and a bitch.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
