i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
