God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
