the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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