Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
