I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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