He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
