Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
