my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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