you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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