On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
