I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
